i can do this!

i THINK i shall start to blog again!!!! Lets do this!! :)

will you join us?

On Saturday, the 20th of November, we had a guest speaker, Christopher Alam, at our church. It was a healing service, so of course i made sure of it that we would be there.. for Miles. The week leading up to it i was really struggling with the thought: "I know God can heal, but i dont believe that he will..." Sad really. But this is really how i felt, and how i was believing. Well, Saturday night was an awesome service... and Christopher Alam preached on Faith.. haha, of course, right? Well, it was really challenging, and it made me let down my wall that i built up, with my unbelief that God wouldn't heal Miles. Miles got prayed for and we went home. No fireworks happened, no big, "run down the isles i am healed" kinda thing happened. It was just silent... normal. Pastor Christopher told of a story where he prayed for a woman's sick dying son. The woman kept bringing the boy back to him, to get prayer for again, because he was not well yet. Finally, one of Christophers workers said, "He has already been prayed for, why do you keep bringing him back?" She said well, he is not better. And he replied, "Well, what have you done to test if he is well? Give him some food." Well, after that, they stopped seeing the lady come around for prayer for her son. A few years later, Chritopher got a call, saying that this boy was now a man, preaching and leading a church. His mother started to believe the TRUTH of God's Word, and spoke it over her son.

All that to say, this is what we are starting with Miles and the Diabetes and Celiac...

So, i wanted to join you in on the miracle that is taking place.

We are going to be constantly speaking God's truth over Miles's pancreas, that it would begin producing insulin again. Speaking God's scripture over his body.

Are you on board with us?

We dont feel like we can "stop" giving him insulin, at this time, we are going to be slowly lowering the amounts. I think this is more of a lesson, and a miracle in the power of faith, the the Truth already laid out in God's word.

Last night i looked up a bunch of scriptures on healing, and wrote them out on paper plates, and have them on our kitchen cupboards.. i want to be able to see them alllll the time, and declare them over Miles, and his pancreas!

So, we are stepping out in faith for Miles to be healed from Type 1 Diabetes & Celiac Disease.

Do you believe that all scripture is God breathed?

Then, pray and declare his healing with us.

I am going to be updating his success in this blog.

The scriptures that are on the plates are:
Psalm 6:9
Mark 16:17
Isaiah 53:5
Exodus 15:26
Matthew 8:7
James 5:15
Exodus 23:25

"...And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well;

the Lord will raise them up..."

James 5:15

what is love?

"Daddy, do you love me??" I overheard Miles ask Bryce yesterday while we were getting ready to go out. "Of course!" Bryce exclaimed. I then asked Miles, "What is love Miles?" I wanted to know what a 4yr old thought love was. Was it kisses, hugs, presents, warm fuzzy feelings??? What would his answer be?? Welllll, was i shocked with what answer proceeded next.

"Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." WHOA. This was his answer to what love was. BOY, my definition off the cuff would have not even come close to his perfect answer. I would have probly started babbling off different things people do, marriage, how babies come to be, but probly not the scripture definition of "love." See, Miles is a great memoriser. Sooo, i had seized this valuable asset of his and began teaching him scripture. Well, one of our verses was: "This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." (found in 1 John 3:16) And man, did Miles just nail it on the head. This IS how we know what love is. Simple as that. Thanks Buddy... mommy needed that loving reminder again...

fruit

do you ever feel like you have to work for peace?? i do. ESPECIALLY at bed time.. no no, not MY bed time, THAT comes easily.. but putting my kids to bed, now THAT is a task and a half. ug. and its never peaceful. i am thinking back now, to when those Johnson & Johnson commercials would come on, selling there "night time miracle lavender bath wash and lotion." now, was it me, or did it look like the baby/children magically were in a "lavender trance" as they peacefully went to sleep.. and these actor parents? HA, WHO is still in the room WHILE the child is asleep just petting there face? i know i know, when they are little that happens..... but very few, and far between times.. WE, the parents, look more like tattered up worn out rags than peaceful, "model-esk" <--sooo made that word up, parents! Am i right? or what? So here is the Q.. do we HAVE to work for peace? I mean in an all around sense. Peace in our lives. Peace in our personality profile. Peace in our mind, our spirit. DO we need to work for it. I know the Bible tells us that "peace" is a fruit of the spirit. And, so if i have the Spirit in me, my branches should be sprouting peace! But, what if it isn't? What if that branch has a void? Unfinished buds, that never produce juicy lush "peace fruit?" hmmm... are the fruit of the spirit like a "Pick Your Own Orchard" in our lives? Do we pick n choose what fruit to plant in our orchard of life? Now, i know i gave the "Master Gardener" the keys to the garden a long time ago.. but, i might still have my hand on the seed bags. I mean, i WANT all the fruit, but am i willing to go the distance to truly be transformed? Why would i limit my orchards abundant possibilities, just to hold onto a few thorn bushes, or the "pretty" dandelions disguised as flowers, but are just truly weeds??

A sad fact, but oh so true.

My orchard is growing. It never stops.

The question is, what is it producing?

Peace, or thorns?

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22

ocean

i used to love the ocean.

the cool breeze it blew you on a hot summer day.

the sand that messaged your feet when no one else would touch them.

the castles you made with just a shovel and a pale.

the break of the waves.

the irresistible soothing sound that only a wave and a shore can make together as they meet.

BUT now?

no.

i am mad at the ocean.

its a heart breaker.

you cant swim across it.

you fall in love with it, only to let it slip through your fingertips.

it waves hello.

it waves goodbye.

it shows distance.

it lets you know you are far away.

it tells you what side you are on.

it doesn't lie.

you cant be on two sides of its shores at once.

you have to pick a side.

but no matter what side you pick, there is always an empty side.

a side that has a void.

a side that is unreachable.

untouchable.

have any of us really touched the ocean?

the ocean tells us our place.

where we live.

what we eat.

what we think.

its a lot more that a "body of water."

it gives us placement.

it makes us choose.

what side will we be on?

i wish sides didn't matter.

but sides are the only thing that give shape.

what shape am i?

what shape are my children?

i am mad at the ocean.

you separate.

you divide.

you make me think.

but you also produce life.

without you we would just be green.

but you are blue.

green is envy.

blue is life.

beautiful.

fresh.

maybe i cant be mad at blue.

i don't want to be just stuck with green.

but i am still mad.

you separate.

and divide.

why did you let me build castles in the sand that you would only just wash away?

i am mad at the ocean.

who knew

Yesterday, the 1st of November, was my 26th birthday. Its was great, filled with gooood food, shopping, presents, and of course my family. Its funny when you have a birthday, and you look at old photos of yourself and you remember that "life stage." WHO would have know where you would be today... other than God, no one! I love looking at myself when i was 4, 10, or 16, remembering what was the "BIG" part of my life, the focus at that time... 4, well it was probably playing kitchen and trying to get as messy as i possibly could... 10, hmmm, i think it was friends, and 16, THATS a no brainer... it was DEFINITELY boys.... lots n lots of boys on the mind... i am now reminded of my "shrine" to Leonardo Dicaprio.. hahaha.... i think i had about 50 cut out photos and posters of this guy PLASTERED to my bedroom walls.. i "loved" and dreamt of marrying this man of mystery... haha, OH how things have straighten out.. THANKFULLY. I still LOVE playing kitchen in our many homes we have lived in, and the sink is always messy, and i still LOVE good friends, and making new ones, and i still LOVE boys! ITS true, cant lie. But now, instead of a name like "Leonardo" its more like, Miles, Levi, Ezra.. and the MAN of my dreams, BRYCE. Watching my kids grow, and to see the things they love at this stage of there lives, it makes me wonder what there loves will be years from now... its a puzzle... a mystery, little clues, a little glimpse into the lives of the children i love, and the young men they will be become.

wowzerssss

WELL, i have been more than neglectful with my blog... yikes... BUT, to be fair we have had a whole, life turned upside down, last few kind of months! Moving half way around the world, starting a new job, starting rent and all those good things again, AND having our 3rd beautiful baby boy... 5wks early! AH! So, that has been my MIA excuse.... haha, for sure. With all the *new beginnings and new life, we are truly excited, and feel soooo blessed! We LOVE the church we are working with, doing Young Adults ministry, we LOVE this area, Lancaster, PA, and LOVE being near our family once again, we also LOVE our new little son, Ezra. Soooo, WHAT a blessed life we have! YES, i wont lie, it has, and can be very stressful at times... but once i have my "oh yeahhh" moment, and give all my worries and cares to Jesus, i remember, in a much clearer mind set, that God is STILL, and has been, in control. My life is not "me" centered, its all about bringing glory to His name, and to His fame. MAN, what a constant mind redirect we need to conduct to have this be the daily goal...

‎

need i say more??

Isaiah 49:1-4

Listen to me, you islands; hear this, you distant nations: Before I was born the LORD called me; from my birth he has made mention of my name. He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver. He said to me, "You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will display my splendor." But I said, "I have labored to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due me is in the LORD's hand, and my reward is with my God."

Need i say more???

Read this last night, as was like, whoa.... for real....

I mean, dosent this just describe our "little adventure?"

This verse read me like a book....

.need i say more.

yummmmm, peace......

peace... i cant WAIT for peace..... moving half way around the world once in a lifetime is ONCE enough, but, twice, in a short amount of time should be illegal... ha, to say the least. Can i just say, that when i start up home, again, i am buying BIG, HEAVY, things, and i WONT be thinking "Who could i pass this on to..." or "Will this fit in a suitcase?" NO WAY, i am done, completed, stick a fork in me, COOKED, lol.... I have also found that being supported financially by ways of a missionary title is great, but it can have some fall backs. I think it gives people the idea that they have a certain amount of control on your families decisions. OK, i can see if we were buying big and extravagant, YES, the spending should be questioned, haha, BUT, making decisions about your family, is the families decision, ESPECIALLY when the family is a family that would not make hasty decisions, or make a decision without prayer... am i right? We have been blessed with a great church that has supported us in this ministry and in our family.
Sometimes i feel like i am stuck in a sticky web, and either way i move multiply parts of the web move, and pull and twist. 3 wks is all we have left here in New Zealand... and I WISH this part of the web didnt leave so much rip and tear, on our family, on me, and on Bryce... there are no regrets about us coming here, i just just wish it would have ended with a better taste on our tongue. so peace is what i am craving at the moment.... yummmmy yummmmy peace :)

the short and sweet

SO, how to begin...

As ya'll know we have been living in New Zealand since December 10th, when we chose as a family to fly over, selling house and home and leaving everything to serve at a camp along a beautiful beach. Its been fun, its been HARD, its been up and its been down. With many circumstances playing into our family decision, we are coming home to the States the beginning of August this year. YES, next month. I know many of our friends and family have ideas, and agendas of what we should be doing, but we know this is the right move for our family. We are very grateful for SOO many of you pouring support into our family, through prayer, support and finances. We would NOT have made it without the support from our home church, Community Christian Fellowship, and the help from Warrenton Bible Fellowship, month by faithful month. We know without a shadow of a doubt that moving here was the right decision, and we are so glad that we listened and followed. We have no regrets. This was an important season of our life, another chapter added to the Taylor Family Adventures. We are not "giving up" we are not running from hard circumstances, we are simply doing what is best for our family, our family of 4 and growing. THANK you all for the love and support you have shown, I pray that none of you will take personal offence to our decision. We would NOT have made this decision without a lot of prayer. SO, for the next adventure, right around the corner, we would LOVE it if you still poured out prayer for our family. We have a lot of loose ends to close, and many decisions to be made. Till we meet again!! The Taylor Family :)

there is only 1

One year ago today, July 1st 2009, Miles at just 3yrs old, our baby, our first born, was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

I thought he might have a UTI, so i scheduled a Dr's appointment, to test for a UTI, and a blood sugar test for the RARE chance it could be anything different. Our schedule that day meant that i had to go by myself, Levi was just a few days away from turning 1, Bryce stayed home with him, and Miles and I shot out at 8am to the Dr.'s. "We'll be right back!" I said as I jetted out the door, to a "routine" visit... or so i thought.

I shared with the Dr. my concerns that had alerted me for the last 2 weeks. Miles was extremely thirsty all the time, and went to the bathroom more than normal. The Dr. got the little blood sugar checker, picked his finger, and dipped the little stick in his blood. Then we waited... I remember asking: "Soooo, is this the test? Will i know now??? Do we send anything off to a lab?" And she said, "No, we will know now." The number read 207. I asked, "Is that ok??" "No, she said, thats high..." "Soooo, thats it??" I kept asking. Realising that our life as we knew it just changed... in about 5 seconds.... The Dr. started crying, in sympathy for us, as i just sat there staring off, as she was telling me to take him to the Hospital, they have will have a bed ready for him. I remember calling Bryce on the way home, telling him to call someone to babysit Levi, because it sounded like we would be in the hospital for a few days. The rest was a blur, i quickly packed a little over night bag for Miles, gathered a few toys, and gave him some breakfast not knowing what to do food wise. The hospital, that we had never been to, was over an hour away. It was a horrible drive, not knowing what had just happened. We called my parents, and they were on their way from PA, a 4 hr trip, to take care of Levi. We got to the hospital, and went in the emergency section. Miles had an IV put in, and numerous amounts of blood taken. We did a urine test, that showed his sugar levels were in the 700's. The numerous Dr's we saw kept asking us in amazement, "how did we know to get his sugar checked??" They were shocked that we caught it so early, and that Miles was still in good health. ((Most parents will find their child in a coma, and thats when they will find out they had diabetes...)) All i could really say was.. "My mom spotted it." She somehow knew that frequent urination and extreme thirst was a sign. If it wasn't for my mom, i am sure that we would never had caught it that early... The next day and a half in the hospital was lived in pure shock... as we learned that our son could never eat again without us checking his sugar and injecting insulin in his body. I felt angry. I felt like I had no control. I felt like it was a cruel joke. "Can someone please wake me up? This is not whats suppost to happen." I was heartbroken knowing that everyday I would have to cause my son pain. My baby now had a "chronic disease." I have never cried as much, or prayed as much, as i did that first night in the hospital, sleeping in a chair next to my baby boy. I cried out during that night: "LORD, wake up his pancreas! I DONT except this!!! Heal him!!"

I was crushed.

BUT, here we are, 1 year later. And we have survived. We have conquered. We have triumphed. We have won. No, the Lord hasn't woken up his pancreas, yet, but i know one day He will. Maybe not in the way i am picturing, or imagining, but one day, either here on earth or in Heaven, Miles will be healed. THAT, my friend, is a 100% guarantee.

Miles has numerous finger pricks a day to check his sugar levels. These readings are displayed by numbers. First we had to learn the American number system, then the New Zealand. And trust me, they are very very different. He has 4 insulin shots a day, 1 for every meal, and 1 at nighttime. Numbers are a big part of our day. The time of day, counting carbs, the amount of insulin to inject, the readings on his sugar checker.... numbers, numbers, numbers!! Ironically, i HATE math, so this is just plain funny. But, the only number i need to keep remembering, is 1. Just, one.

There is only 1 true God, and HE is in control. He has the answers. He is our hope. He is our strength. I dont know what the future holds with Miles and his diabetes, but what i do know, is that my ONE true God will never change, never let me down, never look at Miles diabetes as "too much." He is the constant. There is only 1, only 1 true God. And, I am so glad to give him this burden, and turn it into an amazing testimony of our 1 true God's faithfulness.

Our MAY Newsletter!

"So much has happened since January when our last news letter was written that a starting point is hard to pinpoint! Has it really been 6 months since we got on that plane destined for New Zealand?! Did we really sell off our possessions, and just ‘go?’ It’s hard to believe, but yes, it has been 6 months, and we did get rid of EVERYTHING!! But what we have gained has been so much more.
January started out with a surprise, as we found out that we were going to have another child!! As the months have rolled on, we now know that we will be welcoming our 3rd son into our lives, and we couldn’t be any happier! February Bryce celebrated his 28th birthday, and March followed with Miles starting preschool. April was filled with BUNNIES, as we welcomed 2 little rabbits into our adventure. May is still blossoming, with the highlight on the 10th where Miles turned 4!! Now, in between those gaps of birthdays, bunnies and baby to come, CAMP has taken over our lives!! Ha-ha, I say this with humor, because humor can lighten many loads.
Camp life has been “full on,” taking every spare moment and consuming. Bryce works approximately 60hrs a week. 6 to 7 hrs of a DAY is filled with dishes, dishes and more dishes. ((needless to say I am in charge of dishes on the home front)) If you were to ask us if this is what we had envisioned or expected, we would be honest and say “No.” We are lonely, without a church, friendless, and over worked. And did I mention all this in a foreign country?! There are days we want to throw in the towel and head back to cozy VA… to once again feel surrounded by family and friends. We have been stretched and pulled to points of breaking, but we know God has us here for a reason. And until that reason is fulfilled this is where we will be. Since we have been here, our view has changed on why we are here, specifically at this camp. We both came into this ministry thinking camp life would be IT for us, and it IS to an extent. We are seeing how Bryce’s gifts in marketing and his great connection with people “in charge” will put this camp in the position it NEEDS to keep it going for years to come. This is our new vision. Maybe not to be the “leaders” of this awesome camp, but to inspire, push and challenge the camp to go from good to GREAT! To go from being unknown in its own community, to becoming a vital outreach point and refuge for ministries throughout Auckland, New Zealand, and the South Pacific!!
Please continue to keep us in your prayers for many decisions that need to be made. We have felt so blessed by all of our family back home, and saying we miss ya’ll is an understatement. Your prayers are felt, and the miracles we see, and the daily provision, is more than reassuring to us that we are indeed in the right place for the right time. Whether great or small, our time here in New Zealand, know that we will take, by his grace, every opportunity to be used by Him to be an impact! Thank you all for getting, and keeping us here. We love every one of you. Till we meet again!! All our love."

(There are also Printed copies of this newsletter with some other pictures,

in the foyer at CCF!!)

Easter

Many, almost ALL my friends and family that i grew up with celebrated Easter in SOME way. The Easter bunny, church with white gloves and new shoes, an egg shaped kegger, picnics, cooked ham, and of course CHOCOLATE... lots n lots of chocolate... I think i can even remember selling Niagara chocolate as a fund raiser around Easter every year as a kid in elementary school! ..weird... But, in all those Easter Tradition memories i dont reallllly remember anything that stands out.. nothing that shaped my life into what it is now... Of course growing up in a believing Christian home we talked about what Easter truly means, and we knew even as little kids it was NOT about a big dumb bunny.. but... there was never really a STAND OUT, miracle took place, SHOUT IT TO THE WORLD, kind-of Easter Sunday... And ya know.. i dont even think i know how to make it that for my family today! And as hard as i could try, i cant make it "special." Nothing i do can make it more 'stand out' more amazing, or more true than it already is. And maybe it just takes that ONE time, when we become a believer, for that awe struck experience of what our Lord did for us! After that revelation, i guess it doesn't need to be over the top, we just have to accept that love, that truth and believe.

And when you know of what belief and believing is, its ALL or NOTHING. right?

Soo, isnt that (believing) all out already?? isnt your belief already an action??

...maybe it is... maybe it is... got ya thinking.. right?? :) ...jjjjust what i wanted...

THE WIGGLES!!!

We did it, we went to our first kid's concert and SURVIVED!!!

....welllllll, sort of... LET me tell you our story.... frommm the beginning....

We woke up bright and early, and mommy, thats me!, had a "greattttt" idea we should go out to breakfast before our show, it was at 10am... As we were getting ready to leave, my right eye in a matter of seconds lost its sight.... it was not blurry, it was gone, only the edges of the "picture" i could see. When i would take my hand and slowly bring it up towards my face i could see it completely disappear... This had happened about a month ago, and it was followed by a huge headache, SO instantly when it happened i took some Advil... Well, we were on our way to Denny's, and by 20mins the sight had restored itself. BUT, now, as i thought, i was left with a huge headache. We got to Denny's... yayyyy.... and now we had to entertain 2 very excited little boys while we waited for the longest breakfast everr. haha. I had, i think, 2 bites of my breakfast and we left in a hurry b4 mommy gave the nice Denny's their breakfast back....... I decided i would sit in the last row of the van so i could lay down and rest... hahaha, what was i thinking?? It was rockin and rollin back there, and welllllll, it did not spare my breakfast from.... wellll..... "returning".... AS, i was "returning" Miles kept asking me, not being able to see me, if i was "ok," WHILE he snickered... yes, my boy was laughing at me while i was "returning.." WELLL, we got to the concert with time to spare... It was loud, it was bright, it was a headaches worst nightmare, BUT, i had waited for this day, and i was NOT gonna let anything stop us from having the time of our life! So, we went in, wayyyyyy up to our row, and squeeeezed into our seats. The view was actually really good, for how high we were, that i was really impressed with that! As you can see from the pictures, i dont look my best, a little fever sweat and a ginormous pimple that made the day even better!! haha, BUT we had a great time at The Wiggles concert. Miles was into every song, doing all the motions, and singing at the top of his lungs. We did have almost a melt down when Miles kept asking me if he could go onstage and i kept saying, "NO." He didnt like that we could not play games with them either.... dear oh dear. 2hrs later, we were back in the car, with 2 little tiried children, 2 tired parents, 1 sicky, and 1 Henry the Octopus. All in all it was a success!!!

But sadly the adventure did not stop there.... no..... When we got home i went straight to bed, woke up with a worse headache, numb hand, and uncontrollable spontaneous twitching in my head and wrist.... I also could not communicate to Bryce very well with my speech, and i was definitely out of it.... Soooooo, Bryce said "ok, NOW its time to go see a Dr!" Sooo, we went, they saw and they sent me to the Hospital... oh joy, right? Did i mention i had to "return again," and in the car!! aweee man! sorry bout the details... After 3 hrs of waiting in the ER, they had NO idea what was wrong other than my nervous system was reacting in unusual ways. They kept me over night to have a MRI in the morning. HOLD ON: Have you ever been in a NZ hospital over night? Have you ever been in a NZ hospital where you are placed in the worst possible wing, where Mr and Mrs Frankenstein are your nurses during the night? And your window is broken? And there is NO TV! AND NO MAGAZINES?! ..... i have... and i NEVER want to go back!!! ha. SO, the Neurologist came and saw me in the morning, and by this time i am basically normal. I am slightly jolly, and my headache is just barley there. He does all his body tests, and then tells me.... "I don't think we will do an MRI, b/c i think you just had a classic migraine.. other than the wrist and head twitching, that we cant explain. Different parts of your nervous in your head were effected, and if i did an MRI i wouldn't be able to tell where to look, or to see what was going on. So it was just a migraine." Ooooh, ok.... I think if i was still lying in bed, somber looking, i might have gotten that MRI. Honestly it would have put me at ease a little more that just saying i had a headache. Praise God though it was nothing complicated! Soooo, that was our Wiggles day extravaganza!!!!! Any takers for our next trip????

....i didn't think so.....

"Jesus LOVES the world..."

Sometimes at 10:30am Bryce has about an hour off between dishes, office work, and more dishes. Well, today i got the kids and myself dressed and ready to "spring" Bryce to see if he would quickly run to the grocery store with us. I JUST ran out of rice flour, the key ingredient in almost ALL gluten free cooking. Because we live in such an Asian influenced area, we have a great Asian grocery store, where MORE than half the products are written in Chinese or something with little sticks crossing, BUT they have rice flour!!! We quickly went, and on our drive Miles started singing his own song: "Jesus loves the world, Jesus loves the world, Jesus loves the world, and i know He's gonna make it, i know he's gonna make it, Jesus loves the world, Jesus really loves the world!" It was adorable, and so sweet as he sang his heart song. We came up to a stop sign, and Miles insisted we put his window down so the world could hear his song... it was priceless... Yes little kids make up songs all the time, but you KNOW when something this precious is written on their hearts. I wanna be like that, to have my heart song always ready, singing out about my Saviour's love!! AND, Miles didn't even keep that heart song that the Lord gave him to himself, no, he completed the circle, he let the "whole world know..." How often do we receive a heart song from the Lord, whether in music, writings, a word of encouragement, something, anything, and we lock it up keeping it "special" and only for "me." We all do it.... but i want to learn to roll down my window and sing it to the "world," completing the circle of a gift... given, received, and to give again...

"Jesus loves the world, Jesus LOVES the world..."

baby #3!

(i thought the picture of the little feet was cute! You can see littlr toes!!)

Here our little one is! Baby is measuring at about 13wks, soo we are due around the end of September!! The ultra sound technician gave us about a 75% guess on what the babies sex is.. BUT, we wont know "for sure" until our 18wk scan... Our little one is very very active, and healthy. We couldn't ask for more... seeing our baby for the first time gave us such a feeling of relief! We are so excited... and Miles was thrilled seeing the baby on the screen. We are a family of five... i can not believe it.

...letting go

There are countless things in our life where we have to "let go.." Either physically, emotionally, or mentally... I dont know which one i struggle with more... Maybe being a woman the emotional part can be the hardest. Its how we as females tie emotions to EVERYTHING... think i am crazy saying everything?.... let me give you some examples, of this emotional ridden female. As we were packing up our lives in VA, i had to purge almost everything... purge everything that would not fit into several suitcases. Ya know that half empty box of q-tips, or the "special" half used bottle of body wash your friend gave you for Christmas about 5yrs ago, that lives under the bathroom sink?? Welll, i had hard times parting with these things... Do they have any eternal value....no.... are they REALLLY worth anything???...no... Its little things like the shower curtain i left in our bathroom... it was zebra printed and ordered online from Target..... its still in our unsold house.... probly frozen, or nearly thawed, hanging there pitifully... I STILL will think of that STUPID curtain!! Why!??!!? Because somehow i have tied an emotion to that piece of fabric... to those silly wasted box of q-tips, to the very old, never to be used body wash. I did have to let go of things that i think are OK, to be a sad about... Our first home, our cat Jason, Miles first big boy bed, the special baby items i thought i'd use for all my babies, special pieces of my childhood that held no purpose but held a memory, the baby swing in the backyard, the flower beds planted by my dad and i, the knowing that any more memories wont be made at that home... the chapter is closed, its over. Looking at that list, i think its fare to say i am effected by all the ways of letting go... all of them are hard, not one worse or better than the other. I am blessed. I did NOT have to "let go" of something that could not be replaced, i didn't lose a child, i simply just said goodbye to "things.." How sad it is when we let "things" take over our minds, winning the battle in our lives through regret and complacency... not willing to let go, and see where, and what God can do with our lives... arnt we just surrounded by things?? And arnt we promised that we will always be looked after? Just as the birds of the land?? Ya know... i have NEVER seen a bird dragging its nest from place to place... and still its tummy is full, and it is fulfilling its life given purpose given by the Creator. I can choose to mourn over my things left behind, or i can choose to live out my God given purpose..

We need to get bold, live with an eternal viewpoint, and let go...

Matthew 6:25

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to to his life?"

if you have a son...

Who knew having little boys would be so much fun?.. Somehow deep in our growing up years the world implants this idea that, "girls are more fun..." NOW, it might have something to do with some songs we have heard over the years, "Girls just wanna have funnnn!" and "Get away Jack, and dont come back no more no more no more nooo more!" I am NOT pointing any fingers, WAL*MART or TARGET, or to any other place affordable to Americans, WHY their little kids clothing section cater to the girls, while boys are left with stripes and sweat pants. I have not put some deep thought into WHY we put bows and ribbons onto our little sweet girls heads, like a perfect present to bless the world with... while boys on the other hand, have an option of a hat... think about it... is this meant to hide and disguise? haha, I'M JUST SAYING!! I have NEVER seen a little boy "present" walking around with his bow!! Just "cap" ridden male children... Now, i'm NOT gonna lie, sweat pants are easy and hats ARE great cover ups, and ya know, boys are loud, and they push the envelope, their boundaries, and their siblings.... they are messy, and rough and tough... BUT! No one ever prepares you for the things little boys do the best... love their momma's... In the midst of the day, when "Toys-R-Us on drugs" takes over your house, and the kitchen is unrecognisable with the "orders" of the day, in the middle of the storm, those little bug pickers, dirt investigators, boogy eater, (yeah thats right, i said boogy!)will run up, and say "momma, i have a surprise for you..(pulls out flowered weed)... for you! Because your special..." Or, and when you've slacked on dinner, and your son says "Momma..... best... dinner... EVER!!" -as he is saying this, his eyes are closed and he has a slight smirk on his face, with arms getting higher and higher until the climax of "EVER!!" I LOVE MY BOYS... I love the sweet heart melting, little man statements that escape their mouths with NO warning and NO explanation and always just what you needed...

((if you have a girl, she may be just like what i have described as a boy, that is OK, and normal, this post was meant for laughter and the truth of every day with children, especially boys, thank you!!))

just write about it!

With nothing to really report i have decided that when there IS nothing new to report on, i will look in my pictures and find something to spur a blog. I am trying to keep in the spirit of writing, cuz once ya stop, its so hard to get back into it again!!

~Levi, Oceana, Miles~

Wellll, this picture, really does say it all, children eating yummmy stickyyy marshmallows by the fire. Dirty, dirty children enjoying no baths and filthy feet that will last all night, and well into the next day. Levi, as you can see, enjoys stuffing his face with as many marshmallows as humanly possible, with possibly entering a new world record. His diabetic brother on the other hand, saviors and enjoys every precious bite, HOPING against all hope, that mom will let him go crazy and eat the entire bag. ((butttt we all know that is not likly)) As always the rose does sit between 2 thorns, haha, just kidding, its more like a crazy PB&J sandwich, OR something at least sticky! We had a great time camping with Susie and her two girls. It was wet, it was wild, and it was awesome. Sometimes when i hold my pillow just right, i can still smell a little of our wonderful campfire, and i go back to what life must have been like much simpler. Cooking over a camp fire, water from the creek, the dirt under our feet.... and in our hair and nails and in our living quarters.... and then i wake up and say "thank Heaven for homes with showers!!" Yesss, i might love camping but knowing you can always come home and get clean and microwave something in 10seconds or less and have a complete family meal, is something truly magical....

my fishy man...

Sorry this IS a gross picture!!

Bryce was invited out yesterday to go deep sea fishing, with 4 other "dudes." He left very very early, and came back stinky, i mean late, afternoon, haha. They caught soo many fish that they legally could not keep any more!! The main fish they caught was snapper, big, bug eyed, ugly reddish fish.... I really dont like fish. no. I dont like the smell. And the smell sets the deal with me. I bet before they butcher a cow it doesn't smell like roses, and i know chicken farms are one of the stinkiest places on the face of the earth, but the stench of a fish is like no other.. it pierces through the strongest deodorizers, through the boldest candles and lighting a match is a joke. Last night, as i went to sleep next to my fisherman, i opened a window KNOWING the fish was gonna find me there, asleep. BUT what i did NOT know was that it was gonna be that bad. MAYBE because i am pregnant the smell was detectable through my sleeping nose, but, MAN my dreams were effect by the stench of the fish... haha, i was soo mad about the fish smell that i woke up my poor exhausted husband and scolded him for going fishing while i was pregnant, hahaha... yup, crazy girl. BUT, it was horrrrible!!!!!! And it wasn't like he didn't try to rid the smell off him, he tried... but to no avail.
Sooo thats my beef with fish.
End of story.